i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
