I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
