A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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