Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
