We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
