Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
