please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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