I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
