I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
