never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
