I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
