He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
