Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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