i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
