BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
