If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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