what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
