last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
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If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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