It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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