period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
