She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
