he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
