someone owes me an orgasm
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
