I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
