dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
