i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm too high and old for this...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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