So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
