He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
