remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
