Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
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I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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