It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
