You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
We named our party play list daddy issues
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
