The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
