Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
