just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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