Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
