her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
