My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
