I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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