how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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