In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
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Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There r osticjed everywhere
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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