it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
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