i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
