btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
40s are totally the cure
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
