So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
