his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize