if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
