9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
