It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
