You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
