wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
