i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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