for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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