i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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