Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
