i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize