dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
