this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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