I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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