glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
