Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
