Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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