i'm signing you up for texting rehab
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
