did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
