It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
