Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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