guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
