I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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