hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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