I hate all girls vehemently.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
