Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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