i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
