so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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