Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
