Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
