Jerry, you need to find god
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
