I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I look better un-naked...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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