my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i now understand why vodka
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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