hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
