Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
