Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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