I'm really into asian looking animals
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
