i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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