I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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