I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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