Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im holly from the hills drunk
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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