woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
