Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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